愚人节

April fool 愚人节...

若没看朋友的FB status,搞不好都忘了有这么一天...

常回想以前的我们，在这一天一定作弄朋友...

啊，今年的确孤单了些...

没关系...

快要回马来西亚了...

或许会很想念这儿的日子...

但真的要为自己的前途想想...

好好地把握在这儿的时间咯...

至少，我为自己减少了一个遗憾...

在Waikato，在他们的羽球队里，找了个落脚...

昨天一整天的比赛, 虽然团队没有赢...

但很开心... 让我想念以前一起打团队赛的时候...

为队友打气，为自己赢得的一场比赛...

一句话，爽到极点...

也很有满足感...

那感觉，好像很久没有了...

虽然输了几场，但那份努力，是值得的...

希望下一场，也就是我在这儿的最后一场

会让我难忘的...

我相信一定会...

而且，要真的记得带相机...

真的很开心...

要为自己继续向前冲!

一切会更美好 =D

嗨，三月

不知不觉，三月份了...

时间...

过得好快，过得好慢...

最近太多太多在脑袋里转...

想停，也停不下...

发梦，也是一样的烦恼...

或许，这条路不是像我想象的那么好...

叹气，又能如何...

当初一切看似美好...

哪知，日久见人心...

或许我看似没问题...

可脑袋里一直转的烦恼，没停过...

哎，只能怪它跟我想象的不一样...

和我道听途说的，相差远了...

和我看到别人的遭遇，也那么的不一样...

有时，我想对它说：为何不尝试改变呢...

只能做的，是忍... 偶尔埋怨...

可是，对我一些好处也没有...

已经是极限了...

思绪完全被打乱了...

好累哦...

我.... Mentally gone =.="

提不起劲...

突然希望，一眨眼就六月...

那所有的东西，可以统统解决...

是这样吗？

我不知道...

Fresh 2012

经过漫长的时间...

终于，算是画上了2011的句号...

新的一年，新的开始...

回到工作、继续读书...

羽球嘛，还得看看...

他呢，不再拥有...

两个星期的假期...

玩得真的很开心...

虽然简简单单,不过有朋友有他...

真的不错...

不过也作了决定，在2012年的路途不会有他...

伤心是绝对的...

不过我能怎样?

他疑惑...

说了好久，才算是有了两人同意的决定...

努力吧... 大家一起努力吧...

真的是能回到一起，再说吧...

感觉他信心十足...

不能泼他冷水，也或许是唯一一个方法让他面对...

相信时间能淡忘...

若真的你问我，

我们还会在一起吗？

我不知道...

新的这一年，我不再为你努力、操心...

不再有要求...

我不再管你了... 不再说了

累了...

=D 来欢迎 2012 年 =D

2012！为自己加油 =D

朋友们，你们好吗？

大家要加油哦...

蛮想念大家 ^^

LOLx

Felt like a joke...

This is my feeling...

OMG...

This is bad....

I can't cry either...

Where is it...

I don't get it...

Was feeling really bad...

For what...

I'm not sure...

I needed a big cry...

Then things will be alright...

There are too much on me...

I can't breathe...

But who's with me...

No one...

I'm always alone...

What to do...

I needed a cry!!!

原来...

原来...

我不再渴望

你会有什么改变

原来...

我只是一再的给自己理由

说，会更好的

原来...

我是不能接受

这么的一个他

原来...

我想要的那个他

你要用跑的,才追得上

原来...

我只是害怕孤单

所以一直牵着这条线

原来...

我没有你在身边

我还是这么过着我的生活

原来...

我不可能放下他们对我的期望

不顾一切的和你在一起

原来...

我只是在等时间过

然后对你说再见

我真的不晓得...

我该等，不会出现的奇迹...

还是，告个段落...

我不知道

最后的极限

好了...

永远都说不断...

就定下了...

2012年情人节2月14日...

你若做不到,再见了我的朋友...

你说太长了...

那时候，你已经在新工作，买房子了...

那你就证明吧...

曾经何时，你也对我说过...

在那个时候的你，已经在新工作和有房子了...

结果呢？你还是原地踏步...

我不想等了... 等的有结果，那可不一样...

可是我往往，就是空等...

无奈？也不晓得...

但在这段时间，我就尽量配合你...

我就支持你吧...

免得你说，不公平...

那对我呢？

你何时有履行过你的承诺？

我已经付出太多了...

我不介意，但也不想让自己...

到最后，退不了...

我还是我...

你还是你...

能有我们吗？

那就得看看你的努力...

做不了

有个愉快的周末...

又点燃了...

舍不得...

做不到...

不甘心...

能怎样？

又给了我希望...

他说：“我真的要走了”

要step down...

我好像看见那线希望...

真的满满的期待...

可过了一天，我觉得不能相信了...

没有举动, 没有那股冲劲...

心思还是在别样有的，没的...

到头来，我想我又要踩空了...

对你的信任...

或许早就不见了...

在你一再的说说而已...

它原来就把我对你的信任...

带走了...

我真的只是一次又一次的对自己说...

他真的向前走了...

不过，他有吗？

欺骗自己，就为了让自己好过些...

也让自己不面对现实...

我，在逃避...

绝望

醒醒吧...

这几天，冷静想想...

或许该告个段落...

开心多几天吧...

只是觉得，真的是时候醒过来了...

那种不切实际的想法，该放到一边了...

我不可能为你而停...

我的要求，也不会为你而改...

它是你我之间的导火线...

而我也清楚，它是我的底线...

你能说我没耐性...

说什么我都没关系...

因为我不想一再地踩空...

我看不见...

总觉得，我们走在同一条路，但却到达两个不同世界...

我不甘心...

不过，我能做什么？

或许我要的安全感，你给不了...

或许我该让它慢慢的消失...

我做不了，快刀斩乱麻...

长痛，管它的...

继续？结束？

啊，时间过得好快...

转眼八月了...

不想面对的现实，也是时候了...

也对，我因该狠些...

这几天一直看了看九月的机票...

也太贵了...

为了我的钱包...

为了让你我清楚...

为了让自己做个决定...

所以，我不打算买...

然后，Rugby World Cup...

更不用想要飞、或travel...

省些钱吧... 到处都好贵哦...

也是时候，让我们想清楚...

或许，我不能太果断...

不是我们，是我...

你看不见问题的存在...

你不觉得是问题，你或许觉得我在威胁你...

你到底是否把我的话当真？

我不知道...

你不曾透露什么... 也没有表到...

我不是你的脑袋...

你没跟我说，我也不可能知道...

那只能靠猜的... 猜不对，不能怪我...

我问了，你没说多...

你只说：我知道你想讲什么... 我理解，我懂...

然后你说：是的，我该做... 我是时候....

我曾经接受那说法，也去相信...

可是，我往往等到的是一个看不到白天的黑暗...

就像我知道，我再怎么走这条路，我都看不到有人追上来...

或许，我该更果断...

直接喊停，可是却不甘心...

辛辛苦苦维持，建立，发展...

过去的时间，我不想就放弃...

可是，我有时会想到她说的那句话...

“没有上进心的人，不能要"

我知道差别所在, 因为我能比较...

别人说：人比人，不健康的做法...

但也因为这样，我清楚知道自己的极限...

自己对另一半的最低要求...

要求太高？或许吧...

我真的要想清楚了...

不想给老人家希望，又把那希望打碎...

而且，上轮的回去...

真的，让我看得更清楚...

我能只为朋友而回去...

因为我喜欢那儿，是我过去两年的时间...

就算没有你，我还是会回去...

又在等待奇迹？

这次我不等了...

顺其自然，让时间去证明...

现在，我得认真、好好的冲击我的事业...

加油！=D

转头看看...

太无聊了...

在这儿，真的没事情干...

好想念在 welly 的朋友...

看了看之前说写的...

想想，若当初有多一些坚持...

多一些顾虑，今天的我不会这样烦恼...

或许我能够找到更好的，或许更坏的...

谁能知道...

我想，

那个时候，

你的timing也太巧了...

若没有那些问题，

估计不会有现在的我们...

你出现在我最需要依靠的时候...

我不能否认，一开始得确没怎样...

可相处久了，却有不同的感想...

但是，

那个时候的顾虑，

也不是随便想想的...

或许，

是时候改变？

我不知道...

我能的，就是走一步，看一步...

既然订了八月的行程，那就别扫兴了...

好好地走过它，或许有奇迹？

想想就好...

希望越大，失望也很大...

经历这句话太多太多了...

就在这将近半年, 太多的说说而已...

我，受够了...

我恨心？我冷血？我现实？

或许都可以apply吧...

我不介意当个坏人...

我曾经是，现在也可以是...

就看我的血是不是零下几度...

我就能果断些...

拖着拖着，还浪费别人的时间...

不是每个人像我，还有些时间能花...

好累好累，我已经好几个月，没能睡好...

我需要改变...

否则，永远就停在这儿...

一直说要向前，但却有牵挂...

太难了...

也给自己太多借口了...

三月到现在...

拜托，我真的要狠下心做个坏人才可以...

If you're forever 18

Who wish to turn old...

Everyone trying to stay as young as they could...

Are you the one?

When I was not 18 yet, I kept thinking of getting 18 faster...

Why? Not sure, everyone says 18 is a big age...

So I wanted to get on to that age...

And when I was 18, I wanted to get 21 faster...

Because I can go into the Casino, without hiding! LOL...

So, are you like me?

I don't care...

I'm now over 21, am I hoping to get older faster?

Hmmm, I don't know.... Because there's no more "goal" for me to get older faster...

Haha... People around me, at my age... What are they doing?

Not everyone done what I did....

So I knew I couldn't compare...

As he said, will you regret because of what you chose to do?

Or what had been arranged for you that you need to do?

I will not... Because those days had made what am I today...

Walking out the street, talking to people, getting into the reality of working...

I don't act like my age... I don't look like my age...

Is this something good, or something bad...

I don't care... I just knew that I did the right thing...

I'm moving on... And trying to push forward faster....

I knew where my limit is, I'm not there yet...

So I worked for it...

Everytime I asked, what's your age...

If you're trying to hide, is it because you know people at your age should be doing something different?

Or is it because you're just shy to admit you're no longer young...

If your age is nothing to hide, is it because you're proud that at your age, you're something...

Or is it because you don't feel age is a barrier...

You have to face it anyway... Look around you...

At your age, everyone will be doing differently...

But always there's a common thing that people will compare...

Look at your friends who are the same age as you...

What are they doing...

You'll be motivated if you compare to good ones... Or maybe loss your confidence...

You might be de-motivated if you compare to just "ok" ones... Or you might be proud for yourself and say yeah, I'm doing well...

There are so many people around the world, trying to push forward and running in their life...

And there are also people around the world, who is just walking on the street and follow the normal pace...

Also, there are people around the world lying on their back and relax. Thinking that they can catch up later...

Which type of people you are?

I will not comment too much, but I am being serious that...

Hey, I will not lie back and wait for you...

If that's a time that I have to cut the string and go, I will do that...

I might be upset, or felt so bad... But it would only last me for 1 or 2 days...

Life have to move on...

Am I being cruel to both of us? Maybe.

But I'm just sick of being the one telling you off...

Maybe I shouldn't have done this, or even I don't actually need to do this...

Because I am not you... You have your type of life that you wanted, and I had mine...

If we're working towards a same path, yeah that's great...

But if we're not, hey sorry it's hard to walk in a different path... I can't clone LOL

No matter how much love I had, and my willingness to sacrifice...

And what I had done with and for you... I will just cherish them...

Until a day that I think it's no longer worth while.

I'll push the stop button. It's easy when you're apart.

It's cruel but maybe that could be the best for us.

I'm the bad one, I don't mind.

And my last words to the young one:

"We have nothing to lose, nothing to fear. We can make mistake, we can move around. And these privilege will slowly disappear when we get older. "

This is what I always believe in =D

Friends

From my younger sis, YAN

I'll live on without close friends, but of course I hope I'll have a close friend in my life.
DUHHHH, who don't want one .___.

Hands up AGREE =D

Few weeks in Hamilton... Feeling lonely once I stop working...

Sitting down in front of computer, browsing the net..

But I'm not sure what am I looking at...

I'm just trying to kill my time...

Friends are really important in life, especially when you come to a place like New Zealand.

Where entertainment here is like nothing to us comparable back there...

Or I would say you'll have entertainment if you have friends...

I knew I needed some... But it's very hard to start...

I miss the life back in Welly a lot...

Where me Jaclyn Eellyeen can go crazy together...

Or just simple chit chatting in Long Bar...

There is my second home... And I try to make it there every once in a while...

Not only for you, because there makes me feel like home...

The start is always tough... Tom taught me a way to know friends..

He said rock on to the baddy hall...

Then you will be fine.. Ya, I want to...

But transport to get there is really troublesome...

And with where I stay now and who I stay with...

It is even worst...

I needed a car... I knew I need to move on...

Else I would say, this place would be killing me soon...

Being irritated sometimes...

But I would just ignore... Now I just needed a place to settle down...

I have no choice...

But hey, be optimist and I'll be going Auckland tomorrow with 2 new friends =D

Yay, my first step =D

Sometimes I really wanted to just cry out loud... But I knew I couldn't...

This is how I kept myself well...

What I did is just tears on my pillow... Or just in front of myself...

Few lines of tears... Keep myself relief..

And that's all...

I need to be strong... I knew it...

But you know what, I just want someone here...

To let me rely on... Would it be you?

I doubt... As I knew you wanted to stay, which means a lil longer or way long time before things could change...

Talked to one of my new friends and she said, it seems like with what he is doing now...

He could just go anywhere... But you know, once you're comfortable in one place...

You wouldn't want to... And this could be what he is thinking...

I wouldn't say my call to leave the place I love, to a place which is totally new to me is a wrong decision...

It is just a fresh start that I thought I could make it through...

But things are not always as easy as you thought girl...

So what can I do now?

Just to be strong! That's all!

Anyway, I'm just a simple lady that was hoping I got someone to rely on... Fairytale huh?

LOL

A reflective night...

Well, what had happened on me for the last couples of weeks were just dramatic.

Decision making is always tough.
But if you know that this is what you wanted, "ding" this is it!
This is how I got myself now in Hamilton.
Getting into the work force, being an office lady.
It's quite a sudden decision for me either.
Sometimes I even thought I wasn't really ready for this.
I knew I'm already on a slack mode for some time.
It wouldn't be good if I don't switch that mode away.
So, now I switch it! And I'm liking this mode =D

Now,
Still trying to get myself into this city.
Which is so new to me, and I'm doing this on my own.
Previously, I had my sister to sort everything for me.
Now, I have to count on myself.
It's quite a good experience.
Many of my friends are quite surprise, LOL. Including him...
But there you go, my call to move on. I have to!
Being here for couple of weeks, knowing my way to bus to work, and groceries only.
I made some discovery again yesterday night and today.
Bus-ing around to the baddy hall, to the city to get some stuffs, and cab home.
Giving me quite a good indication of price, and time I can spend.
I had a great weekend I would say.
Catching up with the baddy group from Wellington.
It's lovely to have you guys here, and allowing me to join.
It was good chit-chatting with Mei and Thanh, and getting to know some new friends.
I hope I won't be missing the life back in Welly too much.
I think I would be fine if I get to know more friends here.
The start is always quite tough, but I believe I can manage this.
I have to, LOL.

***********************************************

Maybe I am just selfish

But I know I couldn't hold back just because of you

Life have to move on

If we are really into each other, we can manage this together

It wouldn't be easy

And things are just getting more complicated, as I have more doubts

Well, being optimist

"Time will prove my doubts are just my silly thoughts"

hmm, it's nice posting using Mobile Internet

Dont always think people will stab you from the back..
She's just trying to help, it's true..
If it wasn't her, things may go worst.
And you don't even know what had happened.
And you know what, i'm quite disappointed that you don't even know I had a blog.
Lol... It's good anyway, I can have my own diary.
Telling me how much time that i have spent, and how many days i should stay like this...
Tomorrow will be a brand new day in a whole new area. Wish me luck =)
and i would really want to see what you can do when i give you more time and space. And without someone telling you off, what you should do.
Please prove me wrong.

Initiatives

Tell me that i'm being stupid.
Oh, this is what i'm looking for. I want something like that.
Yay, at first i thought: ok, should be some movement...
But haha, guess what. It's my thought.
i'm in the shower and i'm thnking..
ya, it's already too much time i spent. Should i still being stupid, or naive to think that some different thing will happen.
hoping that there could be some change, haha but let's face it girl. It wouldn't happen.
i shall move on, i shall see.
But you know what, dont test my paience..
I can really be as cruel as what ppl thought.
I will leave you when it's already upon my limit.
please tell me that i dont need to do this.

Random

My heart is getting down to the bottomline soon..
I'm wondering what am i doing right now..
Am i asking for too much.. Maybe i'm too demanding..
Well, i'm on the bus... Just on the way.. I chose to get down earlier.. Coz, i don't feel from you..
Maybe i should go out for a friday night drinks LOL
now, i got nothing with me.. And like i hear nothing from you..
Guess, i'm just giving too much..
But sometimes there's no such thing as you gave too much... I wont regret..
I try my best to maintain it. Dont make me feel too tired..

Just a random stop

What time is it... It's just late I know...
I guess, everyone is asleep... LOL...
Why am I up >.<

Just a sleepless night for me...
A random one... What was the issue again...
It's the same... I just wanted to cry for no reason... LOL

What people say is to cherish, nothing about suitability...
But I really wonder, how that will work in real life tho...
From my experience, love is not about everything...
That's what they always said, I'm realistic one...
Whatever done, past... And once things are decided to be as they are, nothing to look back and be sad....

Should I or should I not...
Can I be just in between... Of what Jaclyn and Eellyeen said =D
*sigh* clueless...

04/03/2011

Almost 3 months I haven't come by and leave a note here...

Being too busy I guess

Coming back from Malaysia, work took most of my time...

Day till night... Hardly get an off day because the students are not back yet...

It's good, in terms of money wise =D Work more equals earn more =D

Something bad, in terms of health... To cope with studies + working is damn tired...

And my sore shoulder is getting back... Can't help it

Studies = whole lots of readings, and what you can do is only trying to understand them...

It is not an easy task as my English aren't that good...

Sitting in front of computer, let Google Translator to help me out =D

3 months time, is what I spent...

Do have good opportunity out there, but always there's something to stop me getting near...

I felt so tired some times, but luckily there's something to motivate me to keep it up...

I wanted to stay and prove that I can do it right here...

I wanted to get into the environment that I can share something with my loves one...

It wasn't easy, life is not always easy...

But you know what, I will not give up right now else I'll definitely regret!

Not that there's none, it's just something stopping me somewhere in some place

Earthquake in NZ. It's sad... Someone said Wellington will be the next...

Should I be worried? Should I just pack my luggage and go back?

Hope that everything will be fine =D And everyone will be safe =D

Let the god to decide... We can just pray =D

010111

Yay! It's a New Year ^.^

Catching up with some of my friends at Mamak Stall =D

Nice feel! I remembered I slept through the last moment of 2009...

At least this year I got something =D

Thanks for the friends that came ^.^

For those that couldn't make it, it's alright =D

We might still be able to meet up after my SG trip!

Hmm... Packing packing, GEO~ i'm coming~~~ LOL

A new year, wonderful day, nice sun =D

Wishes from me to my love ones...

Those who are in final year studies, keep it up! You're almost there ^^

Those who just came out of Uni, all luck in your job search!

Those who are travelling, safe and enjoy your holidays =D

Those who are working, nice work life ahead!

Others that are doing random things, all the best!

A 2011 New Year =D

Let's wishes everyone can reach their dreams =D

And my wish to myself, is good luck and take good care of myself =D

wishes to you... all luck in things that you planned to do, baddy, work and whatever ;) and great health =)

Morning Morning =D

It's Saturday again!!!
I'm going back for a wee holiday in 9 days ?

Eheheee, kinda looking forward it...
How will it be... I'm thinking...
No pressure please >.<
Got my plan on =D Cambodia, Singapore =D
Oh I need to spare some time with my lovely friends ha...
Or not, they definetly kill me!
Ehehehee... Missing you guys e...

Just went through someone's bloggie...

Hmmm, thinking of what she said...
Sweetie, you probably haven't face the cruelty in life...
I couldn't tell you first...
You should be smart enough, to know what will happen in future...
But you know, life is about at this moment...
You're really enjoying it, and loving it!
I'm glad you're just so innocent ha =D
And I hope I can always be as innocent!

Went through couple of events these days...
And I realize that Wellington is such a small place...
You'll be easily linked to one another...
Hmmm, such a small city with everything in it...
I'm loving it ae! In love with everything just right in it!
Hopefully something good will turn up...
Let's hope for it! I'm really putting in my efforts k?

It's time to work!!!
Wish I can get a Saturday off so I can play 3 hours baddy!
LOL, I think I need to count on Jaclyn!
Hmmm... I should approach her =D